From The Guardian
"After being charged £20 for a £10 overdraft, 30 year old Michael Howard of
Leeds changed his name by deed poll to 'Yorkshire Bank Plc are Fascist
Bastards'.
"The Bank has now asked him to close his account, and Mr Bastards has asked
them to repay the 69p balance by cheque, made out in his new name."
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"Phreakers, or 'phone hackers, managed to break into the telephone system of
'Weight Watchers' in Glasgow, and changed the outgoing message to 'Hello,
you fat bastard'
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From the Churchdown Parish Magazine
"Would the Congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the Church,
labelled 'For The Sick', is for monetary donations only."
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From The Guardian concerning a sign seen in a Police canteen in
Christchurch, New Zealand:
"Will the person who took a slice of cake from the Commissioner's Office
return it immediately. It is needed as evidence in a poisoning case."
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From The Times:
"A young girl, who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth, was
rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast-guardspokesman commented:
'This sort of thing is all too common these days.'"
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From The Scottish Big Issue:
"In Sydney, 120 men named Henry attacked each other during a 'My Name is
Henry' convention. Henry Pantie of Canberra accused Henry Pap of Sydney of
notbeing a Henry at all, but in fact an Angus.
"'It was a lie', explained Mr Pap, 'I'm a Henry and always will be.' where
upon Henry Pap attacked Henry Pantie, whilst two other Henrys - Jones and
Dyer -attempted to pull them apart.
"Several more Henrys -Smith,Calderwood and Andrews - became involved and
soon the entire convention descended into a giant fist fight.
"The brawl was eventually broken up by riot police, led by a man named
Shane."
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From The Daily Telegraph in a piece headed 'Brussels Pays 200,000 Pounds to
Save Prostitutes':
"... the money will not be going directly into the prostitutes' pocket, but
will be used to encourage them to lead a better life. We will be training
them for new positions in hotels."
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From The Derby Abbey Community News:
"We apologise for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that 'Mr
Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the Police Force'.
"This was a typographical error. We meant of course that Mr Nicolme is a
Detective in the Police Farce."
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From The Manchester Evening News:
"Police called to arrest a naked man on the platform at Piccadilly Station
released their suspect after he produced a valid rail ticket."
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An Austrian circus dwarf died recently when he bounced sideways from a
trampoline and was swallowed by a hippopotamus. Seven thousand people
watched as little Franz Dasch popped into the mouth of Hilda the Hippo and
the animal's gag reflex forced it to swallow.
The crowd applauded wildly before other circus people realized what had
happened.