Between being married a long time, and also being a woman, I can tell you
guys that there are certain things you can do to make your wife swoon.  They
aren't difficult, anyone can do them and they are some of the sexiest things
I can think of...and I have quite the imagination...

So.  Are you ready?  Are you all that is man? Wipe that drop of drool from
the corner of your mouth and read on....

Technique #1 : Wet Hands

Yep, it is the wet hands technique.  Certainly one of the most popular among
most women polled for this article. So simple.  So exciting.  You will leave
her breathless.
• Fill the kitchen sink up with hot water and add a few drops of a scented
dish liquid.  Not too many, you don't want it to be harsh. There are many
 very nice scents out now, from vanilla and lavender to grapefruit. It is
completely up to you.
• With a soft cloth in your hands plunge your hands into the water and get
the cloth very wet.
• Now, moving slowly and gently place a dish in the water and rub the cloth
across the surface of it..over and over again.
• Place the dish in clean rinse water and repeat until she is moaning with
pleasure.


Technique #2: Vibrate Me Baby

This technique utilizes what many women think of as toys...  It is a little
more difficult and takes a little more muscle.   Extra credit on this one if
you wear a black "wife beater" shirt at the same time.   Are you man enough?

•  Carefully pull the vacuum out of where it has been stored.  You know you
want to.
• Plug it in and push all the right buttons.
•  Slowly move back and forth and back and forth across the carpet, you will
know when to move to a new spot.
• Move to the next spot and repeat as long as it takes to get results.  


Technique #3 : The Wet T Shirt Game

This game is pretty easy, although you will have to think quickly while in
the midst of getting your game on.  If you can handle the amount of
agitation and vibration in the first few minutes you will be o.k. Until the
end.
•  You will need two piles...no I did not say poles, I said piles.
• Put everything white and light colored in one and everything dark colored
in the other.
• Fill the washing machine with warm water and laundry soap (this is
imperative...use the amount suggested by the manufacturer).
• Add the light pile.  Close the lid.
• Write her a love letter about how great her eyes are while you are waiting
for it to finish
• Repeat with the dark colors except use cold water.
• Quick note: If your wife is screaming "Yes! Yes! Yes!" Don't stop what you
are doing..that is called domesticus interruptus and it really is
frustrating for women.


Technique #4: What Goes Up Must Come Down

This is best used as a quickie, whether in the middle of the night or during
a chaotic afternoon. She can't say no to this.
• When you put the toilet seat up....put it back down.
• Every time.

I know...I know.. You almost can't take any more verbal titillation.  Good
thing this is a short list.  This last one is amazing.  It is
incredible...it definitely saves the best for last.


Technique #5: Tonight It's Oral Gratification

This will take some time to master.  Work on it while using other techniques
several times a week and then just expose your big secret to her when she
least expects it.  If you already know this technique you should be using it
to it's full potential by adding to your repertoire of tricks.
• Learn to cook a whole meal.
• When she has had a particularly rough day run her a bath, preferably
aromatic with LUSH bath stuff.
• While she is bathing fix your incredible dinner (hot dogs and popcorn does
not count)
• While she is still relaxed from the bath and satiated with dinner proceed
to technique #1.  


You don't have to thank me...no..really.